Appologies

Pick me up from desire
From not knowing anything at all, like the breath on a morning
where the shingles glisten with frost and the blades of grass seem like they'd break if you

Just like that, Crack

Place a step off the pavement

I hope that you don't feel abandoned
When you wake and Im gone,
Refrain from boarding that train
of thought, dont think of me gone, just not there at this moment.

I'm not far and you know this
Though at times I am miles away
And others, I'm less than a deep... Breath
though you cant see my face
or catch the sent of me sigh-(ing)
Open your eyes to my smile

Don't think I don't love you
Cause I love you, I do

I just sometimes get restless,
I long to ash my cigarette on carpetless ground
To pace back and forth and mull over the banter
That incesstantly rattles inside of my head
To escape the four walls of my room that enclose me
my mind cant ex spell such desire

Somehow It Works

This was long ago
Before the world had any pauses
It was before there was much that made sense could be found

You see
Back then there were only words
And common phrases
Ones for the young
But the old just drifted off into space
Like that satellite did when the battery ran out
There wasn't any mood or sense of laughter in the room
Since the sensation had been sucked right out of it with a vacuum
And the sound had been silenced when the last song was sung

This was before yours and my time, remember
So don't think you'll ever get back there to see it

There was this notion of sadness
And there were stories being told
That explained everything to everybody that inquired
But they were futile beginnings
At hot, humid, land locked emotions, without a desire to flee

I remember there being a speck of light which flickered on and off without any direction
And when time became still like the rest of the clocks in the room
It just floated there
Amidst chairs that had never been used to sit anything in
That clanked against one another each time they collided

I paused for a moment and held my breath
I never exhaled
I inhaled small bits of oxygen
Each time thinking the next would soon rupture my chest
Yet I proceeded
And my chest never exploded

It never even showed signs of fatigue
Seemingly
Without maximum capacity
I was guessing that I could go on forever

Until I saw it
And I was sure that it saw me
And I was afraid
I feared for my life and for hers
But she was locked away
So safe
And comfortable i hoped

It advanced in my direction and with each inch that it drew near
My pores perspired profusely
My heart thumped out of rhythm

Putting my luck on hold I reached for my pistol and let off 6 rounds
My revolver smoked at the barrel
And each bullet pierced through it's hide
Thick and with ease
To the ground sank
Through each layer
Accepting my startled response
It was
Clearly apparent
I had ended
Its untimely advance

And that is where I lost it
I would never have it again
It was never mine to obtain I remember thinking
And the ache in my head split my skull
Like firewood stacked, soon to be burned

I am not sorry, and I am not mourning
These days
I listen to my radio
And I turn on the television
I take steaming hot showers and do laundry as it piles up on my bedroom floor
I cannot and will not go back there

For it is as empty and blank as your stare

ePigraph - Self Talking

"One good thing about music,
is when it hits you you feel no pain..."

"So hit me with music,
hit me with music now yeah.
Hit me with music,
BRUTALIZE me with music..."- Bob Marley

You're Goddamn! right I'm masochistic
and all them sadists know my name,
so when you see me and I'm smiling
Boy, you best bet's that I'm in pain.

Top dollar was paid, and they went to the highest bidder,
That doesn't bother me much I need to learn to accept my fate.
Can you accept the fact that I'm not fit to wear this crown?
I shouldn't even have asked, I mean it doesn't matter anyway.
I'm talking to myself...
That's a symptom of insanity right,
Hold on I'll look that up...
I use the "Dictionary of Life"
I go online,
The common consensus is unclear.
Yet, I feel it's the norm
so
youve got no cause for alarm,
I think your biggest problem is that addiction of yours,
Music.

It allows for expression, so free from labels
in certain venues of course
cause every genre is a label and every style's got it's stigma
and so on and so forth.
Well all I ask, and tell me please if I'm being too greedy in asking
But could you shut the fuck up already,
And turn the volume up, I'm trying to listen to this song.

Self Aware

I Don't suppose such an inquisition
Warrants a response fit for the mind or likes of you
Whats wrong with me you ask
Well thats the question I wanted to ask
Thats the true heart of contemplation
Well I don't know
And I hope you understand full well that noone else does either
theres just too many things going on right now to even list
Ill stand this desk up on its end to try and give you what you want
Im not for self minded individuals and
Im totally against the likes of the norm
but rather than tell you straight out Im gonna explain to you what i mean
I mean a lost little boy was telling the opfficer that he wasnt lost he said
"im not lost sir" I was left
But the officer didnt know what he was getting at and pressed further on.
Putting presseure on the table
"I was left, they didnt take me"
"well where'd they go"
"Virginia I suppose"
And thats when he stopped his act and softened up a little
"im gonna have to take you in, We'll go to the orphanage after I do some paperwork"
And the "Lost" little boy wasnt lost anymore

Now if that left you puzzled this next lines gunna wreck you
I give you fair warning cause Im quite confused myself
But we got where the culture takes us and down this path I have been led
I dropped a baggy back there I think it had something in it
Oh and I lit a cigarette sheiding the flame from the wind until it took
And for balance i pressed my foot aginst the wall as well as my back and stretched a little, its difficult standing on one foot.
He continued to search looking downwards A nice long drag and exhaled smoke
He was a fat and grabbed at his pants pulling them up as he bent over his ass crack showed. What the fuck?
like 3 am in san francisco.
she was inside waiting on the pizza and I was being shown the "goods" by a prostitute pretending to search for a misplace baggie of coke.

Now do you understand? or do you still think that you know?