So Long Without A Name

i dont know what it takes to feel this silence
I only wait for it to come
i can describe it like this
but ill refrain

and that ache in my brain
is due to it
and the numbness in my legs
is because of it
whenever I stand and get light headed
and the guilt I feel
when I cant make do

I cant be responsible anymore
I never was
and I dont know whos going to want to deal
with such a situation
with such aburden

I have to
but its my own
and Ive just made bad decicions
a long series of choices that were all wrong
they were all wrong
incorrect
all wrong

that made me a better person
except it didnt
it didnt make anything at all
I made me
still
I make me

Tried to be avoided

I catch feelings these days
like i catch a case
usually nothing really feels
and if it does
im in the moment
and then its gone
it goes away

like times i didnt mean to have
and goin simply with the wind
the whim of the momment
and the starkest of feelings left behind

its not even yours though

that which was given
to you

and you havnt even given it back
nor abandoned it

I felt sorry
i feel sorry
i caught feelings
I caught a rapp
I got caught slipping
And got left caught up

i dont even think i
TRIED TO GRAB IT
now
I dont even know which side is up
because
for surely I was down
and still am

yet you know exactly how much this helps
and it does