So Long Without A Name

i dont know what it takes to feel this silence
I only wait for it to come
i can describe it like this
but ill refrain

and that ache in my brain
is due to it
and the numbness in my legs
is because of it
whenever I stand and get light headed
and the guilt I feel
when I cant make do

I cant be responsible anymore
I never was
and I dont know whos going to want to deal
with such a situation
with such aburden

I have to
but its my own
and Ive just made bad decicions
a long series of choices that were all wrong
they were all wrong
incorrect
all wrong

that made me a better person
except it didnt
it didnt make anything at all
I made me
still
I make me

Tried to be avoided

I catch feelings these days
like i catch a case
usually nothing really feels
and if it does
im in the moment
and then its gone
it goes away

like times i didnt mean to have
and goin simply with the wind
the whim of the momment
and the starkest of feelings left behind

its not even yours though

that which was given
to you

and you havnt even given it back
nor abandoned it

I felt sorry
i feel sorry
i caught feelings
I caught a rapp
I got caught slipping
And got left caught up

i dont even think i
TRIED TO GRAB IT
now
I dont even know which side is up
because
for surely I was down
and still am

yet you know exactly how much this helps
and it does

The temperature has left my (h)-L-(o)-O-(m)-V-(e)-E-sick body

Sometimes
we cant keep up

keep up this
fake ass
fasad

we need to
give in,
cant
hold on

Not
any longer...

Better that,
we give in

before its too late

better that,
we hurt them
before we break them...

Or...

We,
break ourselves completely!

But!
what if?

what,
what,
what,
what if,

we never
ever let go?

Go tell me,
what would happen then?

would we fight
as,
hard,
as we could?

or would we just be giving in???

Giving into all our promises..

Not living up to our potential

giving into their beleifs and expectaions???

Becoming something sacrificial?

give up and give in,
just for relief!

Dont give up!
Nor give in!
Dont give up now
And no
not ever...

I crave you
Cause I love the taste
and never felt this
till I found you!

Her and Heaven

so if you look in the right direction you might see it
You might see the way it glistens burning brightly in the sun
And only if you listen will you hear the sound so sweetly
as it basks in life completely
naked free and on the run

For love so loved to be forgotten
it also loved to be in bloom
It even loves to be developed,
ripened,
picked,
and packaged...
for consumption

But its favorite role is with another
underneath a blanket
in a house, and on a bed
or in a truck or back seat of a car
in the woods or on a rock
or by a lake
or somewhere far
from civilization
yet it loves the sound of chiming bells
and cars doors opening and slamming honking horns
and wofting smells
And oh the taste, it can be bitter
it can be even sweeter still
and every time you're with her
You know
We know what love is
what it feels like
what it does
what it wants and what it gets
love is the reason
for
all
things
to exist
yet
so many things that don't concern it
live beside it and reside
they take their place in this world
just the same as you and I

What shall be will be
I love
and you love
it's only a matter of time

Hunter and Stomper- Ringing true

slowly
I gain confidence
Ever do this to anyone before?
My guess is no
and im probably right...

because how could anyone else be so naive
im like a bug
or a deer
or any other living being for that matter
when you spot me i stand still
deathly still
like a statue
hoping thinking you dont see
or notice
because if you do it
is certainly my end

or a heart punding chase
id presume will ensue
until these outcomes come to be
you go without
and I go on with breathing
or
you come out on top
and I accept my fate
become a meal or a squashed spot on the floor
no longer gracing the day with my pressence
or tainting it at that

HaHa my imagination for description marks my pessimistic tone
or does it merely reflect my state of being
my self esteem?
No...
its just a thot in the moment
this is just a rant in which i rave

about you being the preditor and
myself playing the prey

hope Full

i dropped it once before,
looks like, I'll
be do'in it, once again

cause she wont,
let me stand beside her
she just likes to say my name.
out loud,
when we're alone together,
both nakedly in vain
fighting feelings and emotions
lord don't even
know
where to lay the blame

so he punishes us both
and covers our dark days with rain
leaves the sunny days
so hot and dry
it always ends the same
and when im
feeling so much better
know
itll happen once again
just waiting
for
the time my life will end

Zone dimension times SIXXXXXX

silly at times
this love can
riddle my head
with grand illusions

Bitter at times
im searching on
for something more

Not left far behind
im in the pack
and cant fight notions

suspicious of everyone
For not one moment goes to waste
when dead alone is something more

A state of mind and never being
Ive got you right
and
Im
a
bogus looking mess

Please let me and my options
hold you slightly
tight enough to not let go
and this is where it's at
what it is
it is
is
is

illusion

this time im writing you to ask you all a favor
something strange inside my head
The dialogue in question
and a rather off beat flavor
spill my guts and fall back to the earth once more

If you had to
would you want to
when you open up your heart
im not a man of simple pleasure
but in depth and outstretched fingers

I cling tightly to the rope a binding light and lasting love
note
I hold you above the rest
in this moment in this life

After all it is a New Year

And to that I bid you gracious
Gratuity?

What's with all of these questions?

I tell you now
for you are right

In a world with open doors which one should thee choose

which one
should rightfully
lead you to that light in which to stand

show off your energy for the sun
It burns so brightly in your eyes
Do you remember the time?
Like a child of convenience
We all concede to make a mark
a land for which to stand
where all can play a part
Ill-tempered confusion
sit and be still

willful wonders and Wrong-Begotten Woes

whoops
I didnt mean to drop that
I wasn't paying attention

Yes I know I should have taken better care
And yes there were tings I could have done
But is it?
Whose right is it to say?
I ask these questions all the time
I seek the truth
but wo is it that has the answer?
I gotta stop telling myself that you do
Cause you don't
take me with you
Ill be happy where you are
Ive been so happy for so long
Fleeting
Follower
Tending to his herd
Of cattle
like sheep
On ending sentences with phrases
bottled up and held so near
to
the
hip
in
a
flask

ahhhhhh
stiff drink
taste it on your tongue
the bourbon
sweeter still
is a kiss
in the light